#5

has it really been a month since i blogged? Man o Man... i've been kindof busy but honestly i've thought about blogging but I just didn't have the eneregy needed to compose my thoughts... Well todays here and BAM! I'm ready. Actually I don't know about ready but I do have several things on my mind.

a. Relationships? Why do we long to have a significant meaningful relationship, yet are scared to death in pursueing one... Since redefining my life in August and becoming single again, i've often thought about past relationships and what went wrong? what went right? ya know... I often wonder if Stacy and I would be as miserable together as I think we would be? or would things work out for better? I have several friends who have married in the past 3 yrs and it blows me away, most of which are younger than me, and things are fine... Marriage honestly does scare me. I talked with a friend this weekend at encounter about marriage, he's been married less than a year and he said this... "if I didn't pray for this relationship DAILY it wouldn't work" "this relationship is very much dependant on God"... that really struck a chord with me... I wonder if I could do a long distance relationship again? Maybe I can, maybe I should? I don't know... the only thing I know about relationships at this very moment is, I want one but in that very same breathe, I don't.

b. why do I get so annoyed with people who think they are bad ass? is it really because I think i'm bad ass? and don't want anyone to "out-do" me? I don't know, but i've learned that I can only be around J.C. for a total of 2 days before I want to kick his face in... His sheer arogance annoys the crap out of me, to the point I ball my fist up... seriously! its bad! I know for a fact things he has said are lies and only said to build himself up, or make himself seem "bad ass". I don't know... Guys like that I can only handle in parts.. other parts my blood boils...

c. I have officially begun missing ministry! I don't care to ellaborate right now, but I do.


i'm out